Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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