Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
