Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
