On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
