I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
