He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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