he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize