Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
