Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
