i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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