I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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