I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
