There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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