im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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