You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
