i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
