Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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