True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
