is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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