I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
