and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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