I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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