My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
