Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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