that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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