btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
