oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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