What tipped you off? The sombrero?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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