Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
