you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
