I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
