good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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