You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
