life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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