He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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