Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
