hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
