i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
