i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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