If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
