Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
