My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
