Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
