Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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