No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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