Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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