just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
