I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize