Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
