I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
