I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
