I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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