Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You have to summon your inner elephant
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize