do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
