this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
