Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
