I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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