Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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