Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I have tasted many bathrooms
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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