u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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