Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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