You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
