Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
