Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
