I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
