Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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