Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
