hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
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