I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's not a walk of shame if you run
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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