I faked an abortion last night.
i think i have herpe
just one?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
