I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
