I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
