Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
