Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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