i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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