They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
