I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
