is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
