his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
