There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Do you have feelings for this penis?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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