How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
