there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
