About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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