My hand turned me down
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
