Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize