i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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