My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
