wrigley field is MILF paradise
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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