she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize