did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
