There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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