I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
