Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
