You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
