do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Of course I have a pirate flag
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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