I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
