We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
