My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
