We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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