i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
