I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
