We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
bring money and cleavage
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
